April 16, 2016

Grief is such a funny thing....

Oh Grief. Grief is such a funny thing. I know they say no two people grieve the same way, but now I get it. There is not proper way to grieve.

One thing I've learned lately is there's a lot of pressure that comes from grieving. I worry that people think I'm not grieving the way I should be. Some days are really hard, and some of them are not so hard. Some days I smile and laugh and have a good time with the kids and friends. Other days I cry a lot and I just want to lay on the couch and watch tv to distract myself.

But when people ask how I am, I always say good or fine. Sometimes I wonder what response they expect me to say. Are the judging me by the answer I give? Do they think I'm doing too ok for someone who just lost their husband of 10 years? Or do they realize I cant just tell them how Im truly doing? What if I just broke down crying in that moment. What would they say? Would they regret asking or stand there unsure of what to say. Especially when asked in front of the kids. Obviously I'm going to say good. I don't need the kids thinking otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, the kids do see me cry. I want them to know that feeling upset about things is ok, I want them to think "its ok if I cry sometimes, mom does too". I just don't want them to think its a daily all day thing. I also don't say that because I want people to stop asking me how I am. I so appreciate everyones support, concern and prayers. Truly. I just don't know what to do with it.

I hear people saying how strong I am, and I dont know if I am, but I'm not sure how else I'm supposed to be. I have three children who need me to keep it together and take care of them. I don't feel like I'm a strong person. I feel like I'm doing what you're supposed to do when you lose your spouse but you have young children to take care of. I have to be this way.

I'm heartbroken, but I am choosing to wake up every day thankful and happy. We used to rely on each other. When one of us was struggling, the other could pick up the slack. Now I need to be the best parent I can be because now they only have me.

April 13, 2016

New Furniture!

Its been 11 year since we moved into our home. In that time we got 4 cats and 3 kids, so to say out couches had lived their lives would be an understatement. We'd been talking about getting new couches for a year or so but hadnt quite found one we liked. Towards the end of Jaimes illness our couch had begun to fall apart. The stuffing wasnt cutting it enough for his back and we had to get him a lazyboy chair to help with his back pain. The couch itself got much worse for the ware the last few months, the side had ripped open and just kept getting bigger and bigger.

After Jaime passed, I decided enough was enough and I went couch shopping! I caught a great sale and got both pieces for less than I had planned. I had originally wanted to get a sectional but was scared to get one before moving and knowing what space I would have in a new home. So I decided to just go with a Sofa but once at the store the sale was so good I got the Loveseat too! It took 3 weeks to get here but finally its here and its BEAUTIFUL! lol

I dont love how Jaimes chair matches but the kids love his chair so its not going anywhere! I also havent gotten around to taking down his Deadpool poster and hanging it in the basement for the kids lol

March 20, 2016

Big life changes...

It's been a long time since I blogged. Writing has always been fun and a form of therapy for me. Sometimes I need to take breaks for my own mental health though. This past year and half has been absolutely the hardest of my life. We went through a lot which I don't care to get into right now here, but it all culminated with my husband being diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in October 2015.

We weren't given a good prognosis and decided to take a road less traveled, Naturopathic Medicine. It gave him the best quality of life we could have asked for and we spent the best 4.5 months together imaginable. Sadly on March 4th 2016 at 11:42 pm Jaime peacefully passed away. I am thankful now hes not in pain anymore, but my heart is broken and lost without him.

These have been the hardest 5 months of my life, and the last 2 weeks have been especially difficult without him. I never imagined I'd be a 32 year old Widow with three young children. The children are adjusting the best they can. We have lots of family and friends support so its helping us get through, as well as counselling.

I have a busy few weeks ahead where I plan to organize my life some more. I have really dropped the ball around home while taking care of him. I need to declutter a lot from our home, as well as safely pack up some of Jaime's belongings for the kids in the future. I've also had to buy some new furniture as our couch has fallen apart. So I'm looking forward to posting more here about decluttering and home decor!

I'm also taking some time off work to focus on the kids and healing from everything. I'm hoping to start baking more again as its something I absolutely love to do and haven't done in quite a while. So new recipes are on the horizon ;)

I'm hoping I can use this place as a safe place to process and heal from the loss of my partner. I hope what I share along the way might also help others in difficult positions of their lives.

September 10, 2014

Peanut Butter Squares!

Sorry for the delay in posting lately! Trying to adjust to the back to school crazyness! Things are settling down into more of a routine so I will be able to upload more often now!

Todays Recipe is for Peanut Butter Squares! Anyone know knows me knows I love my chocolate and peanut butter together ;) This recipe was made for people like me! Its super easy to make, take about 5 minutes total to put together and 20-30 to chill before serving!

The ingredients are as follow:

1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups creamy peanut butter
2 1/2 cups icing sugar
2 cups of chocolate chips

Start by placing all the ingredients but the chocolate chips into a microwavable bowl and place in the microwave for 1-2 minutes (Check after 1 minute). Once Butter and PB have melted mix all the ingredients together. Once Throughly mixed together, spread over a lightly greased pan.

In a separate microwavable bowl put in the 2 cups of chocolate chips. I recommend adding 1-2 tablespoons of shortening to help avoid burning the chocolate chips. Put Mixture into the microwave for 1 minute, then take out and stir until completely melted. 

Pour the chocolate mixture over the Peanut Butter Mixture and spread evenly. Place into the fridge for 20-30 minutes to chill. Once set, you can cut into desired squares and serve!

Be sure to check out my VLOG on Recipe Wednesdays - Peanut Butter Squares below!  

August 29, 2014

Family Friday - Day at the beach!

Sorry I've been so lacking on posts lately. This end of the summer stuff is kicking my butt! Ive only had energy to post Vlogs lately!

Yesterday we spent some time at the beach. As I mention in my Vlog, one of my favorite things about where we live is that we live about 20 minutes from the beach! So one a long day we can always just hop in the car and head to the beach, no real planning required! So yesterday it was supposed to be a rainy day. I kept the car just in case. We lucked out! by 10am it was still sunny and no dark clouds in sight, so I packed them up and off we went.

Our first stop was the Giant Lobster in Shediac, NB. Local Tourist attraction ;)

Then we went right for the beach! The kids had tons of fun exploring and building sand castles!

Overall Aria was not a huge fan of sand, she hates feeling dirty lol. But they all had a ton of fun! I was even able to just lay around and relax, watching them play around!

June 25, 2014

Recipe Wednesday - Chocolate Caramel Shortbread Squares!

Welcome back to recipe Wednesday. I filmed this video last week as I had set out to find a delicious treat to make for my sons teachers as an end of the year thank you! I was sent this recipe by a friend and thought it was worth a shot! Sounded delicious and I sure hope they enjoyed their treat, I know I did! Here is the recipe below and I added a few pictures I took of the process! And be sure to check out our video at the bottom and subscribe to our YouTube channel while you're there!

Chocolate Caramel Shortbread Squares

1 1/3 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup butter
1 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup light corn syrup
1 cup sweetened condensed milk

2 1/2 cups milk chocolate chips
1 1/2 tablespoons peanut butter
1 1/2 tablespoons butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
In a large bowl, use a pastry blender to mix together the 1 1/3 cup butter, white sugar, and flour until evenly crumbly.

Gather the dough into a ball and place into a 9 by 13 baking dish.
Press the dough out evenly into the dish and then pierce with a fork.

Bake for 20 minutes.  Set aside to cool.

In a large saucepan, combine 1 cup butter, brown sugar, corn syrup, and sweetened condensed milk.  Bring to a boil, stirring constantly.

Continue to boil and stir for 5 minutes (never stop stirring or it will burn!). Remove from heat and beat vigorously with a spoon for about 3 minutes.

Pour the caramel over the cooled shortbread crust. Place in the fridge until the caramel begins firm.

Place the chocolate and peanut butter in a small sauce pan over low heat.

Stir often until the chocolate is melted and smooth.

Pour chocolate over the caramel layer and spread evenly.

Chill before cutting into squares.


June 11, 2014

Recipe Wednesday - Chocolate Chip Cookies!

Today Im sharing one of my favorite recipes for Chocolate Chip Cookies!

I made these up this week with the help of Linc and Aria for our next door neighbour who is RCMP to thank him for his service this week (if you don't know what's up, check out my vlog for a video on what happened).

Here's a couple photos of the process:

Now for the recipe:

Chocolate Chip Cookies

3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 cup butter
1 tsp. vanilla
1 large egg
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp. soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 bag or 2 cups of chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Beat sugar, butter, vanilla, and egg.  Add dry ingredients.  Bake 8-10 minutes.  Mine go in the oven for 9 minutes exactly.